A Moth Drawn To A Flame
by CarlaFromCorrie
Summary: A different take on 13th February 2019 - Peter's Boat Fire
1. Chapter 1

When it happened it was like a flash of light, people watching on from a distance the smell of paraffin smoke lingering through the door instantly sparking recognition into a tortured mind. It was the smoky smell which caught the attention first and that was when Carla was sitting going through her accounts in the Underworld office, she ran to the door on instinct and saw the bright orange flames burning through like the light of a lit candle through the frosted glass, she opened the door, surrounded by the faces of her neighbours, she held a hand up to her forehead to shield her screen eyes from the bright yellows and oranges in front of her, sweat starting to gather on her forehead but it wasn't from the heat radiating from the flames in front of her. It was from the stress of seeing Simon on top of the boat which was being burnt to smithereens, jump down from the boat and into the arms of Kevin and Tyrone. Carla heading over to Leanne wondering what happened, she glanced around to try and find Peter but there was no luck and that sparked the fear in the back of her mind as well as the sickening feeling of the anxiety which was creeping into the depths of her stomach.

"Watch out!" a voice calls as the boat blows up into smithereens, Carla taking shield within the safety of the factory as a gust of smoggy air makes her struggle to breathe, the whirring of the sirens entering the area, Carla heading to the far side of the factory near the kitchen to use one of the fire escapes, heading around to join the onlookers

"What happened?" Carla questions Sally who seemed somewhat eerily fascinated with this boat fire before being snapped out of her trance by Carla's questioning

"Simon and Peter were on the boat, I don't really know what happened-"

"Rewind. Peter was on the boat, Sally where's Peter" Carla persists as Sally just shrugs not knowing, Carla dipping under the police cordon and heading over to Simon and Leanne before her legs stopped her halfway there, paramedics holding a man on a stretcher

"Male, mid-fifties, third-degree burns currently unconscious"

"Peter" Carla whispers tears forming in her innocent eyes following the paramedics to the ambulance hoping to catch a lift to the hospital

"I'm his wife, can I come?" Carla questions as the paramedic's nod, a little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone, so she was on the way to the hospital knowing that if she lost Peter, even though they weren't together, would seriously send her on a downward spiral, the anxiety creeping in at the thought

"You will have to wait in the relatives room" the paramedics inform Carla who gulps and nods heading off to the relatives room, grabbing her phone and shakily ringing Peter's family telling them to come up to the hospital and the fact that Carla was there raised a lot of eyebrows from the Barlow's, Carla not taking anything in instead she just watched the clock

**_Tick Tock_**

"Do you want anything Carla?" Ken offers her noticing her obvious trance staring at the clock knowing that the feelings she felt for his son were still there, it was like she was a moth drawn to a flame, the love was still there and that would never be broken

"I'm fine, ta" she glances away from the clock briefly, closing her eyes replaying memories in her mind, tough times and more happier times but right now all she could do was hang on to that slither of hope that Peter will make it through

"Mrs Barlow-"

"Yes?" Carla cuts in before questions were asked as to why she classed herself as Peter's wife, Tracy sniggering in the background causing a series of glares from the rest of Peter's family members

"Your husband is in a very critical condition, we need to start preparing for the worse I'm afraid, he's currently unconscious and will likely remain that way, I'm sorry we couldn't do more-"

"You can't just give up!" Carla shouts before bursting into tears leaving Ken to console her as the rest of the family process the news

"I know you loved him still Carla" Ken whispers as Carla pulls out of his embrace not embarrassed to admit it anymore, it wasn't that she was embarrassed anyway, she just needed to regain the trust and now she wouldn't get the opportunity and it made her heart shatter into a million pieces as well as ache at the love lost within her very soul

"Mrs Barlow, it must be stressed that your husband is still alive, he is just heavily sedated-"

"Can I see him, I need to see him" Carla persists as the doctors nod, Carla heading down to Peter's room, not able to bring herself to glance through the slatted blinds knowing that the memories surrounding that view would torture her to her very core

"Baby" Carla whispers wiping the tears which were forming, Ken placing a hand on her shoulder to comfort her, she shrugs it off going to take one of his hands and holding it to her left breast over her heart, she glances to the clock on the wall again

**_Tick Tock_**

Moments passed, Carla still staring at Peter's lifeless body like it was a foreign object to her, his hand still in hers. Ken had said what he needed to say to his son so he left Carla to say what she needed to say, not that she knew herself so she decided she would just speak from her heart, what else could she do given the circumstances.

"I can't believe you gave your shares to Nick still, you and Nick eh? Doing business? The thought would be enough to split atoms…Oh why did this have to happen baby, we were getting on just fine then this happened didn't it, whoever set fire to that boat has one hell of an explanation don't they? I love you so much I would never admit it to you but somehow when you're at death's door, I can't help but express my true feelings, you're my flamin' kryptonite, Peter Barlow. I need you to make me a few promises though, can you do that for me? No fighting when you get up there ok, or wherever you go, I know you're not one for religion but I believe truly in my heart that there is a heaven up there or an afterlife so to speak, but if you come across anyone you don't like please don't use your fists to solve your problems because you 'an me both know that it doesn't work like that. If our Liam, our Paul, and Aidan are up there make sure they know all about me, my struggles and everything how you kept me alive after…well, I think you know who…I love you so much baby. I need one more favour though, something I wouldn't ask anyone else to do, something that only you can do for this special someone, I need you to look after our little girl, can you do that for me? I know it's a big ask considering we couldn't look after her when she was alive, but please if I could ask you to do anything it would be that"

"Mrs Barlow-"

"Please don't give up on him" Carla begs the doctor as the doctor sighs at Carla's stained makeup, Ken appearing with Michelle at the door, giving her time to drink in Carla's appearance which haunted her, she was obviously so in love with Peter still. Michelle now hating herself for not letting Carla be happy

"Mrs Barlow, we need to think about turning off the life support now"

"You can't do this" Carla lunges at the doctor as Michelle restrains her causing her to sob profusely into her chest, Michelle glancing to the doctor giving a nod for the go-ahead to turn the ventilator off, Carla getting onto the bed with Peter, her arms wrapped around his body as she cries into his chest, the scent of him putting her nerves at rest

"Peter Barlow. Deceased, time 19:54, date 13th February 2019" the doctor states writing it down on a death certificate Carla crying uncontrollably at the thought of Peter never holding her again, never respecting her sarcasm for what it was and never giving her the love she craved, it made her feel numb, scarily sick inside and ever so tortured

"Carla you need to come away now"

"No!" Carla shouts, hair sticking to her face which was covered in an abundance of tears and sweat from her strained sobs, Michelle glancing to Ken who was holding his son's hand

"Goodbye son" Ken says quietly leaving the room to join the rest of his family, leaving Michelle to deal with Carla

"I can't say goodbye 'Chelle"

"Carla you need to sweetheart, it's time to say goodbye" Michelle says swiping the hair out of Carla's face as she continues to cling onto Peter like her life depended on it

"I'll miss you baby, I was hoping that one day we could put the past behind us and move on, I don't know how I'll cope without your dad jokes, without your friendship as well as your love, you broke me in so many way's Peter Barlow, but I will tell you something, I will never forget your love and the love you had for me"

"Carla" Michelle whispers taking her hand to help her up off the bed as they both go to the door of the room to leave. Carla leaning against it briefly, smiling somewhat heartlessly

"Goodbye my love"


	2. Chapter 2

**_Trigger warning: Suicidal references..._**

* * *

_Empty_

It had been a week since it happened, a week when she lost someone so close to her it made her body ache like it was frozen in time. No motivation to do anything, no motivation to love herself when all she wanted to do was love Peter flamin' Barlow and that thought alone made her body cripple in treacherous anxiety and grief.

_Michelle_

The constant nagging and the constant whining her patience was wearing thin but Michelle knew no matter how hard Carla pushed her away she would eventually come to her senses. Carla was refusing to do anything ranging from being unable to eat, sleep and get dressed. In fact, she had been in the same clothes since she arrived back from the hospital a week prior and that was something the concerned both the Connor's and Roy to the extent they thought Carla would never come back from this. Michelle offered to have Carla at her flat to give Roy a break knowing he had a business to run and it was unfair that he should have to work on getting Carla to come out of her grief-stricken shell so Michelle said she would take her to her flat to give him a break.

Many thoughts ran riot inside Carla's brain, memories replaying like a reel of camera film in her mind. Some made her smile sadistically and the others made her cry even when there were no more tears to be released from her tired bloodshot eyes. Sometimes she would just sit there with her eyes closed letting the memories fester inside of her brain as if she was unable to stop them, well the truth was she was able to stop them but she didn't want to, not now she was obsessed with them.

_"Tonight I was trying to drown my sorrows. Just one big sorrow actually, but it's a biggy "_

_"Ok, try me"_

_"I-It's you, ya big pillock and don't, please don't tell me this is a school-girl crush cause you're right under my skin and I'm guessing by the look on your mush you didn't have the slightest inkling then, did you? God I need a drink"_

Carla was still sat on Michelle's sofa her eyes clamped shut and a mysterious smile on her face as she replayed the moments she was falling in love head over heels with Peter Barlow, she remembered the heat rising to her cheeks when the admission was made to him, and likewise when thinking of it now the same effect took hold of her but when her memories carried on playing in her mind, she reached the part when he said he didn't feel the same.

_"You're still here I was hoping you legged it"_

_"Carla I'm unbelievably flattered-"_

_"I know but you've got Leanne and her liver's all lovely and tickly pink and she doesn't drink and drive and throw herself at unavailable men does she?"_

_"I'm in love with Leanne and hey I don't mean that to sound-"_

_"It doesn't-"_

_"Otherwise I would've bitten your arm off-"_

_"Yeah, yeah, enough said"_

That thought alone made her gut wrench, she darted to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet soon after resting her back against the bathtub she tilted her head back and stared up at the white lights blinding her eyes, she smiled at them hoping they would make her blind so she could sit with the thoughts of Peter in her head, so she could only see him and the memories which were taking hold in her brain, they were still playing though, they always would and she was starting to believe that the only peace she would get from them was to get away for a bit, to free her from the prison of her mind.

_"Is everything alright?"_

_"I'm just getting in position…they can't play hide and seek when they're this size"_

_"I wouldn't bet on it, I think it's in the genes"_

_"There we are, can you see the heartbeat there? It's nice and regular"_

_"Sorry"_

_"Don't be silly, it's natural, I've had people balling their eyes out in here, dad's included. Can you see the outline of the head there? There's a hand up there by the chin, I'll take a picture"_

_"So is everything…ok?"_

_"I just need to take a few measurements, work out how many weeks you are. So far so good, yeah"_

"No!"

Carla cries pulling at her hair as her body trembles under the harsh light of Robert and Michelle's bathroom. Her baby girl…no, her and Peter's baby girl, if she was still here then maybe she could get through this she thought, but she came to the conclusion that no…she couldn't get through it, there was no way, she had lost parts of Peter in so many ways enough was enough, this was too much for her to cope with now. She bought Peter that boat, that boat which killed him, that boat which now she held the upmost grudge for, she lost another part of Peter in the form of her daughter and that made her heartache and tears splash freely down her cheeks so fast she couldn't even be bothered to wipe them, she didn't have the energy. Something struck her hard when she finally found the strength to get up and look around her surroundings, she got to the mirror and took in her appearance, no make-up, her skin pale grey colour from being locked indoors for a week and her eyes red raw from all the crying and the fact that her head started to pound just added to the nightmare which was her life.

Carla rummaged through the medicine cabinet and pulled out the box of sleeping pills in triumph, a small smile creeping on her face as she takes the blister pack out and counts the pills meticulously in her trembling hands clasping them in the palm of her hand as she saunters into the kitchen, placing the packet down on the counter she glances around the room, her eyes drawn to the wine rack situated in the kitchen, the irony of the situation starting to take hold as she hears Peter's voice ring in her head telling her not to do it, but she does it anyway, downing half the bottle in one go and heading to the spare bedroom sitting down on the bed which was made for her, Carla picked the bottle up and began going over the sins in her life.

"One for Peter"

_She downs a pill_

"One for my little girl"

_She downs another_

"One for Aidan"

_And another_

"One for Liam"

_And another_

"One for Hayley"

_And another_

"One for Paul"

_And another_

"One for Frank"

_More for good measure_

Until there was none left...

Carla's hand became weak with all the toxins in her body, the bottle smashing on the ground as a result, the remaining red liquid spewed on the floor along with a couple of the pills in her hands dissolving in the liquid beneath them. With her head heavy and her limbs numb she was finally able to come to terms with all the disasters her life had become as well as the one big disaster she refused to face. Peter being dead.

When the pounding subsided and she lost control of her limbs, Carla was finally able to sleep forever with peace of mind, little did she know about the hurt which would follow.

She was now with Peter, and her little girl and that's all that mattered now…well, to Carla anyway...


End file.
